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Week 28, 2004
THE REGULARS: Summary
A) Song of the week: The Star-Spangled Banner [Bis de l'hymne national américain.]
B) Le texte plus abordable de la semaine/Kidzworld: Independence Day [La fête nationale américaine.]
C) CNN/Global Office: E-mail anxiety [Le courrier électronique crée de nouvelles sources de stress pour les salariés.
D) The New York Times/The Ethicist: Dubious Origins [Conseils sur l'éthique et la déontologie : Mon mari a hérité d'un tableau que je pense être volé pendant la deuxième guerre mondiale. / Que dois-je faire d'une pièce de monnaie contrefaite que je détiens ?]
E) Slate/Dear Prudence: Pot pourri [Conseils sur la vie sentimentale et la vie tout court : Mon mari est beacoup trop indiscret. / Mon petit ami a été divorcé deux fois et ne veut pas se remarier. Par ailleurs nos croyances religieuses nous interdisent d'avoir des rapports sexuels en dehors du mariage. Dois-je espérere qu'il change d'avis sur le mariage ?]
F) Washington Post/Miss Manners: A Dispirited Host [Conseils sur les bonnes manières : Mes invités refusent d'apporter à boire. / Que faire lorsque je suis invité alors que je fais un régime ?]
G) WNYC/On the Media: Earworms [Entretien sur ces airs dont on n'arrive pas à se débarrasser. AUDIO : Vous pouvez écouter l'entretien en ligne. Voir aussi le texte 5]

The Star-Spangled Banner
—Francis Scott Key, 1814

O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen thro' the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner: O, long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when free-men shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust!”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

-*-*-
On Sept. 13, 1814, Francis Scott Key visited the British fleet in Chesapeake Bay to secure the release of Dr. William Beanes, who had been captured after the burning of Washington, DC. The release was secured, but Key was detained on ship overnight during the shelling of Fort McHenry, one of the forts defending Baltimore. In the morning, he was so delighted to see the American flag still flying over the fort that he began a poem to commemorate the occasion. First published under the title “Defense of Fort M'Henry,” the poem soon attained wide popularity as sung to the tune “To Anacreon in Heaven.” The origin of this tune is obscure, but it may have been written by John Stafford Smith, a British composer born in 1750. “The Star-Spangled Banner” was officially made the national anthem by Congress in 1931, although it already had been adopted as such by the army and the navy.

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B) Le texte plus abordable de la semaine/Kidzworld: Independence Day [La fête nationale américaine.]
http://www.kidzworld.com/site/p1000.htm

Independence Day - The Fourth of July

In light of recent political events, the level of patriotism has sharply risen in the hearts of most Americans and July 4th is the perfect time to let that abundance of patriotism shine. Read on to find out how the United States of America came to be the country you all have grown to love.

In the beginning 13 colonies were ruled by the King of England, King George III. These colonies were tired of having a king 3,000 miles away across the Atlantic Ocean. Two acts of defiance made history. Tea was purposely dumped into the Massachusetts Bay (this event, known as the Boston Tea Party, was in response to increased taxes) and in Boston harbor, British soldiers fired into a crowd after being jeered and stoned. The number of people killed was exaggerated (only a few people died) but the event became known as the massacre.

Virginia took the first step and voted to set up a group to represent the colonies. The first meeting was in 1774 and a draft of a document that would give them freedom from England was written. This document, called the Declaration of Independence, was considered treason and the 56 men who signed it were in some serious danger of being executed. But, they stood by what they believed in - the right to independence.

Things didn't happen overnight. It took years for the final draft to be written. At the same time The American Revolution was taking place. The draft was finally accepted on July 4, 1776. From July 8th until the next month the document was read to the public and people celebrated whenever they heard it. In 1783 the war finally ended and Independence Day was made an official holiday.

Every July 4th, Americans have a day off work and stuff themselves full of food at picnics. There are activities in the afternoon including baseball games, music and more food. Some cities have parades. Then, at dusk, people watch the fireworks display. This is one birthday celebration you don't want to miss.

-*-*-
Interesting US Facts

--There are more plastic lawn flamingos in the US than real ones.
-- According to NASA, the US has the world's most violent weather. In an average year, the US can expect about 10,000 really bad thunderstorms, 5,000 floods, 1,000 tornadoes, and several hurricanes.
-- The most popular fruit in the States is the banana. The average person eats 33 pounds of bananas every year.
-- The Liberty Bell wasn't made in the US and wasn't rung on the first Independence Day. It was actually made in London in 1752, cracked in 1835 and wasn't named Liberty 'til the 1830s, in memory of slaves pursuing their freedom.

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LONDON, England -- If, while reading this story, you feel a sudden uncontrollable impulse to click on your inbox, you may be suffering from "communications anxiety." According to new research a quarter of British workers cannot bear to be away from their desks for more than an hour for fear of missing important emails or phone calls. And 13 percent will not leave their desks even for 15 minutes because they are worried about mounting piles of communications demanding their immediate attention.

The survey, conducted by Royal Mail, also suggests that many workers feel unable to focus on their day-to-day work because of the distractions of emails and telephone calls. Almost a third felt the level of communications they received intruded on their working day, and the same proportion felt their productivity would improve if they did not have to deal with email on a daily basis. Just under half said that telephone calls interfered with the work routine, while 16 percent were distracted by face-to-face meetings and 13 percent by mobile phones.

Subjected to a steady bombardment of e-mails and phone calls, many employees admit they are struggling to cope. In total 36 percent felt they had to respond to telephone calls or messages immediately, and 31 percent of e-mail users thought they should reply within an hour of receipt.

Mass communication

"The research highlights how in today's age of mass communication people are constantly feeling swamped, much of it unnecessary," said Tim Rivett, the Royal Mail's Head of Small Business. "As a result it is increasingly difficult for businesses to cut through the communications clutter and get heard."

While e-mail is now the preferred medium of office communication, many of us would still prefer to receive an old fashioned letter. Just two percent of respondents said they found letters intrusive, while the slower pace of the written word left workers with more time to consider their response without distraction. Instead of feeling obliged to reply within minutes, more than half were happy to reply to a letter some time during the same day. And 20 percent of letter senders said they were happy to wait up to a week for a response. Letters were also found to have the longest "desk presence." While most e-mails and voice mails were deleted almost immediately, 60 percent said that letters were likely to remain on their desk for more than two weeks.

In research conducted in 2002, Royal Mail estimated that small businesses in Britain were losing more than $5.4 billion a year because of poor business communication. "Ultimately effective communications not only increase productivity among employees but also have a positive impact on a company's bottom line," said Rivett.

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E) Slate/Dear Prudence: Pot pourri [Conseils sur la vie sentimentale et la vie tout court : Mon mari est beacoup trop indiscret. / Mon petit ami a été divorcé deux fois et ne veut pas se remarier. Par ailleurs nos croyances religieuses nous interdisent d'avoir des rapports sexuels en dehors du mariage. Dois-je espérere qu'il change d'avis sur le mariage ?]
http://slate.msn.com

Dear Prudence,
I have been married for eight years and have often been shocked when my husband says private things publicly. He thinks it's no big deal, though he did stop for a while. He e-mails his mother from work about our sex life—and he tells her everything—and she responds back. This has gone on for some time, and even though the counselor (who he handpicked, himself) told him I am a private person and things like this embarrass me, he continues. What is the deal?

—At My Wits' End

Dear At,
The deal is that your husband and his mother have an unhealthy attachment that manifests itself in discussing topics not appropriate for a man and his mother. And sorry, his handpicked therapist is a sandwich shy of a picnic. The reason your sex life should not be fodder for your mother-in-law is NOT that you're a private person, but that you're a married woman whose sex life is nobody's business. A grown man who discusses marital intimacies with his mother is judgment-free and developmentally damaged. Prudie suggests that YOU choose a therapist who can get it across to blabbermouth that he needs to find new subjects to chat about with his mother—and the reasons why. What is going on now is deplorable. To borrow a course of action from Lysistrata, until this matter is settled to your satisfaction, perhaps you should not give him anything to talk about.

—Prudie, strategically

-*-*-*-
Dear Prudie,
My boyfriend and I have been a couple for five months and are very much in love. He is WONDERFUL, attractive, and the sweetest man I've ever dated. He takes care of my car problems, flat tires, anything I need, and I help him in his business, make him dinner, anything he needs. We see each other every day. He is the man of my dreams. My problem is that I'm ready to talk marriage, and he doesn't seem to be. He is 10 years older than me and has been married twice before, both times to women who turned out NOT to be nice people and about whom he had misgivings even before tying the knot. I've never been married before, and I do take it very seriously. My bringing up the subject has been a killer of other relationships in the past, and this one I don't want to kill. Subsequently, I'm afraid to bring it up. We share the same religion and believe that premarital sex is wrong. (Yes, I am a 30-year-old "V" word.) I have no wish to break my promise to God but don't feel I can hold on much longer. I vacillate between two camps: thinking I need to back off and prepare to date other people, or the idea that, OK, being his girlfriend is definitely better than being any other man's wife, so maybe I can live like this for, say, the next 20 years, or however long it takes. Please advise.

—Permanent Girlfriend?

Dear Perm,
Alas, not everyone shares the directive on Prudie's powder room towels: "Eat, drink, and remarry." Your boyfriend is certainly not the only one to be burned by divorce who vows never to marry again. If marriage is essential for you, perhaps issue an ultimatum—but be prepared to be turned down. If you truly believe that being this man's girlfriend is "better than being another man's wife," then stick around and hope that one day you might get your wish. Should you choose the however-long-it-takes option, however, you both might decide to renegotiate your deal with God.

—Prudie, realistically

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F) Washington Post/Miss Manners: A Dispirited Host [Conseils sur les bonnes manières : Mes invités refusent d'apporter à boire. / Que faire lorsque je suis invité alors que je fais un régime ?]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A16183-2004Jun29.html
A Dispirited Host

Wednesday, June 30, 2004; Page C11

Q:
Dear Miss Manners:

I have just hosted the fourth get-together with friends and work acquaintances where invitations clearly stated BYOB and no one brought any beverages.

In college and the years just after, when we wanted to have a party, someone would volunteer their house or apartment for the place and everyone would bring something to eat and something to drink. Those were the days of the "What do I bring besides chips and dips?" quandary. Occasionally, there would be a get-together where someone would provide, for example, a keg of beer, and everyone would bring something to go on the barbecue grill. There were always a few who neglected to provide for themselves, but others' generosity covered them and a good time was had by all.

More recently, I have offered both place and food for socializing. I clean the house, and I plan, purchase, prepare and present food for a number of people and their partners, parents and occasional guests. On the invitation it is clearly stated BYOB -- and yet I find myself leaving my party to make a frantic run to the closest grocery for beverages.

We are all in the same socioeconomic stratum. I have taken care of the expense and trouble of the food. Yet purchasing a liter bottle of soda or a six-pack of beer seems to be asking too much.

I have tried to let it go, but it is really beginning to bother me and I do not wish to think ill of anyone. I cannot afford to supply everything all the time and do not wish to discontinue socializing. Please advise me.

A:
Miss Manners's advice is to face the fact that you and your peers have outgrown the BYOB party. This is a collegiate and internship form, suitable for people who have not yet mastered adult housekeeping and whose finances are so close to the edge that they cannot wait for the costs of socializing to be shared through eventual reciprocation.

True, your guests should not have accepted your invitation without accepting the terms you stated. But as you seem to have violated the social terms shared by your circle, let us call it a draw. The way to entertain them without buying drinks is to invite your guests to brunch, a picnic or tea.

-*-*-*-
Q:
Dear Miss Manners:

The impending Fourth of July holiday, and all of the patriotic delicacies included with it, happen to fall right in the middle of the restrictive phase of a diet that I am participating in.

I have been invited to a barbecue and would like to go; however, I am convinced that there will not be any food there that I am allowed to eat. Would it be rude to bring my own food that is acceptable for my diet, or should I take my chances with the food that is there?

A:
Neither. Democracy only works when people can pursue their individual needs and desires without violating the prerogatives of others. Miss Manners knows a simple way for you to eat your own food without usurping the hosts' function of providing food: Eat before you go.

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G) WNYC/On the Media: Earworms [Entretien sur ces airs dont on n'arrive pas à se débarrasser. AUDIO : Vous pouvez écouter l'entretien en ligne. Voir aussi le texte 5]
http://www.wnyc.org/onthemedia/transcripts/transcripts_060404_lies.html

Earworms

June 25, 2004

BROOKE GLADSTONE: Did you ever have a tune burrow into your brain? Experts call it an earworm, and it can sound like this: [MR. SOFTEE THEME PLAYS UP & UNDER] This month, in his continuing battle against noise pollution, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg has proposed banning that theme from city streets, where it spills forth all summer long from Mr. Softee ice cream trucks. Think of the mayor as exterminator, nozzle trained on a public infestation of earworms. I remember the first time I had one. I was 9 years old. [MY BOY LOLLIPOP UP & UNDER]

SINGER: MY BOY LOLLIPOP YOU MAKE MY HEART GO GIDDYAP YOU SET THE WORLD ON FIRE YOU ARE MY ONE DESIRE YOU'RE MY LOLLIPOP [HARMONICA] My Boy Lollipop was number two on the hit parade, and it made my heart go giddyap until I was ready to dash my brains out. Took me years to get rid of it. Even now, it sneaks back if I'm tired. But, it could have been worse. [IT'S A SMALL WORLD PLAYS]

CHORUS OF

SINGERS: IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL....

BROOKE GLADSTONE: That nightmare tune appeared on a list of top ten earworms compiled last year by University of Cincinnati marketing professor James Kellaris, with the help of his students. As you might have guessed, songs with lyrics stick most, followed by commercial jingles and instrumental tunes. Kellaris found that most episodes last for hours. Those poor kids. [LION SLEEPS TONIGHT PLAYS]

SINGER: IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE, THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT IN THE JUNGLE...

BROOKE GLADSTONE: In June of 1985, two young climbers attempted to scale a peak in the Peruvian Andes. As told in the book and documentary Touching the Void, one of them fell into a crevasse and was presumed dead. At one point, he almost wished he was, because of an earworm. [TOUCHING THE VOID CLIP PLAYS]

MAN: I did have one time when I got a song going through my head, and it was by a band called Boney M. I don't really like Boney M's music.

SINGERS: TRA LA LA

MAN: SHOW ME A MOTION--

SINGERS: TRA LA LA LA LA LA--

MAN: SHOW ME A MOTION--

SINGERS: TRA LA LA, LA LA--

MAN: SHE LOOKS LIKE--

MAN: And it just went on and on and on, for hours. I found it very upsetting, cause I, I wanted to try and get it out of my head, I was thinking, you know, bloody hell, I'm going to die to Boney M.

MAN: SHOW ME A MOTION--

BROOKE GLADSTONE: They say that musicians, women and neurotics are most susceptible to earworm, but according to the San Francisco Gate, Mark Twain once wrote a short story about a, quote, "jingling rhyme" that became indelibly lodged in the author's mind until he passed it on to another hapless victim. But does that really work? They say breathing into a paper bag can cure hiccups, but can no one rid me of this meddlesome tune? [MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME PLAYS UP & UNDER] Yes. It turns out Neva Grant, a senior producer at NPR's Morning Edition, has the cure.

NEVA GRANT: Yes, I do, Brooke. It is the song America from the musical West Side Story. You deploy this particular antidote when the song that's stuck in your head is so bad that even hearing: [SINGING] I LIKE TO BE IN AMERICA, over and over again is, is better than what was ever there before. Because you need something forceful to kind of push whatever the other thing is firmly out of the way.

BROOKE GLADSTONE: So there you have it, folks. An end to misery. But don't thank me yet. It may not work for you. Even worse, you might not be able to get America out of your head. In that case, blame Neva. [INSTRUMENTAL SECTION OF AMERICA UP & UNDER]

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1) The Economist: Rag-trade deals [Les risques des marques de vêtements, avec notamment l'exemple de Tommy Hilfiger.]
http://www.economist.com/displaystory.cfm?story_id=1981515
Clothing: Rag-trade deals

Aug 7th 2003
As prices fall, clothing firms are making new plans for their brands

ONE of the certainties of visiting an American department store—and stores in many other countries too—is the familiar offerings from some of the world's most recognised clothing brands: stacks of Levi jeans, shirts from Polo Ralph Lauren, collections from Liz Claiborne and, of course, lots and lots of Tommy Hilfiger. All this sameness is a big problem for the apparel business. Department stores are increasingly being squeezed by specialist retailers on one side and discount chains on the other. At the same time, prices everywhere are falling as many items of clothing become commodities. For the brands concerned, this loss of sparkle could lead to yet more consolidation.

One company rumoured to be a takeover target is Hilfiger, which despite annual sales of close to $2 billion has been struggling. The firm insists that it wants to retain its independence, and on August 4th appointed David Dyer as its new chief executive. Mr Dyer has plenty of retail experience to help Hilfiger: he built Lands' End into a highly successful mail-order and e-commerce business before selling it to Sears, Roebuck last year.

Few of Hilfiger's problems are unique. If clothing prices were denominated in end-1992 dollars, prices would have tumbled below many other products, such as food and drink (see chart). Deflation means that a jacket that cost $100 in 1992 would cost $68 today, according to a study by A.T. Kearney's consultants.

Most firms have already adjusted to global competition, which has seen a big shift in garment production to low-wage countries and a subsequent glut of cheap manufacturing capacity. Hilfiger is based in Hong Kong, where the eponymous founder, Mr Hilfiger, now the firm's chief designer, formed a partnership with Silas Chou, a member of a wealthy Hong Kong textile family, who helped the firm list on the New York Stock Exchange in 1992.

According to A.T. Kearney, the strongest defence against price erosion is to support a clothing brand, especially a mature one such as Hilfiger, with innovative products. Nike does this by constantly applying new technologies to sports shoes, for example. To boost profits, the brand can be spread to other products, such as home furnishings, perfumes and fashion accessories. Hilfiger already does this through a variety of licensing agreements. But spreading the brand too widely can dilute its value.

An alternative tactic is to build a portfolio of brands aimed at different segments of the market. This has led some clothing firms to buy, license or invent new brands. With powerful discounters, such as Wal-Mart and Target, rapidly taking the place of many traditional department stores, it is becoming vital for companies to have products for the mass-market chains. “Consumers are looking for greater value, and increasingly more fashion, in their clothing offerings, and they are finding discounters' wide aisles and large shopping areas more convenient and ‘shopper friendly',” according to a recent report by Susan Ding, an analyst with Standard & Poor's, a credit-rating agency.

Levi Strauss, whose jeans are mainly sold in department stores and speciality shops, has tackled the challenge of supplying discount chains without devaluing its brand by developing what some industry experts describe as a “brand-within-a-brand”. Levi's Signature range of denim wear went on sale at Wal-Mart last month. Levi reckons almost a third of jean sales in America are now made in discount stores.

The process also works the other way. VF Corp, the world's biggest maker of jeans, last month bought Nautica for around $580m to help it move upmarket and into department stores. VF Corp's brands include Lee and Wrangler, which already dominate jean sales in discount chains. Adding Nautica, which owns the pricey Earl Jeans brand, also gives the firm a new, posher line to build a bigger presence in the smarter end of the sportswear market. This is expected to be a fast-growing segment as more people start to wear casual clothing, even in the office.

The problems in the clothing industry, together with a shift towards acquiring a collection of brands to sell at different price points, are likely to lead to more mergers and alliances. Companies are certainly shopping around. Last December, VF Corp was narrowly defeated by Phillips-Van Heusen, no longer a mere shirtmaker, in a fierce battle to buy the Calvin Klein clothing business. This suggests that, however Mr Dyer's makeover of Hilfiger works out, he may well one day become a buyer or a seller.

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4) The Washington Post: Penny Pinchers Take the Cake [Concours annuel du lecteur le plus pingre.]
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A7350-2004Jun26_2.html

Penny Pinchers Take the Cake

By Michelle Singletary
The Washington Post
Sunday, June 27, 2004; Page F01

After a two-year hiatus, I've brought back my Penny Pincher of the Year contest. The number of frugal folks and the lengths they go to to save money amazed even me. I received hundreds of entries from all over the country, from the tried and true (reusing plastic bags) to the disgusting (bathing in someone else's used bath water is just not right, and it's not sanitary) to knee-slap funny (sisters a year apart sharing the same high school ring).

But I just love penny-pinching people. And believe me, I'm right there with them. In fact, my friends and family believe that if I didn't run this contest, I would win it.

For example, I found a way to save on birthday cake, which often goes half eaten. My husband and son have the same first name, and their birthdays are just a month apart. This year when it came time for my husband to cut his cake -- his birthday comes first -- I refused to let him serve the part where "Happy Birthday" and "Kevin" were written in green icing. I stored the leftover cake in the freezer.

A month later, I thawed the cake to use for my son's birthday party. I tried to use leftover icing to cover the sliced section, but it kept sliding off. Still, I put on the appropriate six candles (recycled, of course) for my son and served the remainder of the cake. I was teased unmercifully. But I didn't pay the partygoers any mind.

And don't feel sorry for my son either: Little Kevin wasn't bothered by the missing section. He didn't even recognize it as the same cake his daddy had. He was just thrilled to have a cake with his name on it. And right after blowing out his candles he said: "Oh, Mommy, this is the best birthday ever."

You're probably still shaking your head. Go ahead. However, I've got plenty of penny-pinching company. Just take a look at the winners of the 2004 Color of Money Penny Pinching Contest:

Honorable mention goes to Susan Ganger of Dublin, Ohio, who finds savings in other people's trash. "Go to a university campus on move-out day," she wrote. "Students throw out perfectly good items because they don't want to move them. There is no need to buy a dorm refrigerator as the students throw them out like they are paper. Carpet, clothing and furniture are there to be had." I thought Ganger could use something new, so she's getting a Washington Post T-shirt.

Third place goes to MaryPat Wirkus of Middletown, Conn. She wrote: "After driving my husband's car one day, I suggested he purchase new windshield wipers. The following week we were in his car driving to the store and I remarked that the passenger side of the windshield still did not wipe well. He told me no one sits on that side of the seat often, so he only bought one wiper, for the driver's side. It saved him $7." MaryPat and her husband will receive T-shirts and $15, which I hope will be used to get another wiper. I've always thought it important to see out of the entire windshield.

Tina Leap of Lusby won second place for her ingenuity, even though her penny-pinching strategy didn't work. Leap wrote: "I have two daughters to raise. They play softball and so I tried to make a sports drink -- with Kool-Aid, sugar, salt and water. It was terrible! They spat it out into the sink. We all had a good laugh." What good sports her daughters were for seeing the humor in their mother's frugality. Leap wins $25 in cash. She and the girls also get T-shirts.

Finally -- and this one really takes the cake -- first place goes to Lauren Wells, whose husband, Matt, took her for a penny-pinching ride she will never forget. Last November, the expectant first-time mother from Leesburg waited a little too long to start for the hospital.

"By the time we got into the car, contractions were coming one right after the other," Wells wrote. "As soon as I got in the car, I told Matt to take the . . . toll road. He informed me that it would be just as fast to take Route 7, which is filled with traffic lights. I was in so much pain that I told him if he was being cheap, I was going to kill him. " Good thing in this case everything ended well. The couple arrived at the hospital just in time for 7-pound, 7-ounce Madeline to be delivered.

Wells says with a chuckle now that she suspected all along that her husband didn't want to pay the $2 in tolls. "But I had to laugh," she said. "I'm fine with it now. I'm so grateful for him because he saves us a lot of money."

For her humor and restraint (I'm not sure even I wouldn't have popped the new pop), Wells wins $50, some of which I hope she will spend on Starbucks coffee, which she said she gets to have only on special occasions. The whole family will also get Washington Post T-shirts.

Congratulations to all, and many thanks to everyone who entered the contest or nominated others.

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7) The Miami Herald: Dave Barry [Humour: Les hommes et les femmes ne sont pas pareils face au frigo.]

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/
Forget Mars, just open the refrigerator
DAVE BARRY

I'm a pretty good housekeeper. Ask anybody.

No, wait: Don't ask my wife. She and I disagree on certain housekeeping issues, such as whether it's OK for a house to contain dirt. Also smells. If NASA scientists really want to know about life on Mars, instead of sending up robots that keep finding rocks, they need to send my wife, and have her take a whiff of the Martian atmosphere. If there's a single one-celled organism anywhere on the planet, she'll smell it. And if the other astronauts don't stop her, she'll kill it with Lysol.

Which is why her approach to leftovers baffles me. I am opposed to leftovers. I believe the only food that should be kept around is takeout Chinese, which contains a powerful preservative chemical called ''kung pao'' that enables it to remain edible for several football seasons.

All other leftover foods should be thrown away immediately, for the same reason you should not go to your 40th high-school reunion. You go expecting to see people whom you vaguely remember as being attractive, and even though you know they've aged some -- Heck, even YOU have aged some -- you figure, hey, it's not as if you're OLD yet! You're middle-aged! Like Harrison Ford!

So you go to the reunion, and suddenly you find yourself in a room full of unrecognizable fossils, lurching around the dance floor to the sounds of Herman's Hermits, and you realize to your horror that YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.

You get the same kind of unpleasant shock with leftovers. Time and again, in my house, when we're cleaning up after dinner, there will be, say, a small clump of uneaten string beans, and I'll have it poised over the garbage, and my wife will lunge for it like a person rescuing a baby from a wood chipper, saying: ''Those will be good for leftovers!'' She'll carefully seal the string beans in a plastic container and put them in the refrigerator, as if she truly believes that sometime in the near future an actual human in our household will say: ``Dang! I could really chow down on some old string beans!''

Now fast-forward about a month, when my wife, passing the refrigerator, detects an odor molecule. So she takes out the plastic container and discovers that EWWW the string beans have been replaced by alien space worms with inch-long blue fur. Which of course she hurls into the garbage, which as you may recall is exactly where I tried to throw them a month earlier. This is what happens to, I would estimate, 100 percent of our non-Chinese-takeout ``leftovers.''

Speaking of refrigerator odors, here is a:

PRACTICAL HOMEMAKER TIP -- Always keep an open box of baking soda in your refrigerator. That way, when people come to your house to visit, you can say: ''Would you care for some cold baking soda?'' Then they will leave.

But I digress. My point -- and I know this because I'm using powerful point-detection software -- is that people have differing views about what constitutes good housekeeping. This is why I'm so interested in an article that appeared recently in the New York Times, concerning household cleanliness.

The article, brought to my attention by alert reader Bill Ulrey, states that your kitchen -- yes, YOUR kitchen -- is basically a festering swarm of potentially deadly bacteria. The most interesting part of the article concerns a discovery by a University of Arizona microbiology professor named Dr. Chuck Gerba, who is an expert on household germs. I am familiar with Dr. Gerba, because some years ago I interviewed him on bathroom cleanliness, and he told me that the only sure way to kill all the bacteria on a toilet is -- I am not making this up -- to put laboratory alcohol on the bowl and set it on fire.

LEGAL ADVISORY -- Dr. Gerba is a trained bathroom scientist. As a layperson, you must NEVER EVER set your toilet on fire, EVER. Also be advised that it looks much cooler with the lights out.

So anyway, according to the New York Times, Dr. Gerba has found that 'people who had the cleanest-looking kitchens were often the dirtiest. Because `clean' people wipe up so much, they often end up spreading bacteria all over the place. The cleanest kitchens, he said, were in the homes of bachelors, who never wiped up and just put their dirty dishes in the sink.''

That's right: You so-called ''good housekeepers'' with your so-called ''cleaning'' are in fact smearing bacteria around, while we so-called ''slobs'' are, by courageous inaction, making the world's kitchens safer for everybody.

There's no need to thank us. All we ask is a little respect. Also, while you're sniffing those leftovers, please grab us a beer.

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Apr 15th 2004

Trust is hard to evaluate, harder to gain and easy to lose

LIKE Fritz Vogt in Gammesfeld, Alexander Hoare has banking in his genes. Mr Hoare's is the 11th generation to run the family bank in London, C. Hoare & Co. In the partners' room, he sits next to his ninth cousin (they share a forefather with many “greats” in front). The banking hall in the Fleet Street branch (the other is in Knightsbridge) looks much as it did in 1820. The ledger recording the financial affairs of the 17th-century diarist Samuel Pepys, an early customer, is in the bank's museum.

There are obvious differences between the two banks. Customers of Hoare's, founded in 1672, are mainly wealthy; those of Mr Vogt's co-op are ordinary villagers. Whereas Mr Vogt has rejected modern technology, Mr Hoare, who used to work for a technology consultancy, embraces it enthusiastically. Yet there is a similarity, which has something to do with their small scale. Both banks know their customers well, which means that there is trust on both sides.

Mr Vogt's customers are his neighbours. Mr Hoare asks prospective clients for two introductions. To be accepted, they must pass both “quantitative” and “qualitative” tests. The first has to do with whether both bank and customer will gain financially; the second means, he says, “a meeting of minds on how to do business”, and “treating them as we'd like to be treated ourselves”. Private ownership helps, he thinks: Hoare's is possibly the last unlimited-liability partnership left in banking. At both banks, the customers stick around. Mr Hoare explains that of his 10,000 customers, “half are very well known to the bank.”

Big banks would love to enjoy similar trust. Not only would it make customers easier to attract and keep, but the potential rewards from trust are rising as incomes increase and financial products cover an ever broader range. Looking after someone's current account might not be worth much, if he stays in credit. But persuade him to take out a mortgage with you, to have a credit card and to switch his small-business accounts to your bank, and he looks much more lucrative. Better still, having thrown in his lot with you, he is likely to stay.

Banks used to be able to count on their customers' loyalty—or, almost as good, on their apathy. People used to stay with “their” bank pretty much for life, switching only when they had to, perhaps because they were moving to a different state in America or a different town in Germany. This lucrative inertia is still there to be exploited: indeed, thanks to deregulation and mergers, these days it is much easier for Americans to stay with the same bank when they move house.

But it has become easier than ever to switch between financial-services firms. Banks encourage defectors from rival banks by taking care of the cumbersome details—making sure all the automatic bill-payments are carried over, and so forth. Credit-card companies often offer six months' free interest on balance transfers. Mortgage companies offer special deals to borrowers switching from a competitor. And it can all be done with a few clicks of the mouse.

As this survey has argued, many banks have realised that they spent too many years making it harder for themselves to win customers' trust. Too much effort went on cutting costs and not enough on increasing revenues. A lot of banks now understand that they got something wrong: hence America's splurge of investment in bank branches.

Widely unloved
Alas, the vast majority still have a lot of work to do. Mr du Toit of Bain says that organic revenue growth—ie, after stripping out the effects of mergers—can be predicted fairly well by customers' answers to a simple question: “Would you recommend this company to a friend?” The results for larger banks, he says, are “consistently lousy”. The ones that come out best are the upstarts which have pioneered shop-style retailing, Washington Mutual and Commerce Bank. Besides WaMu, almost no big American banks—perhaps surprisingly, not even the well-regarded Wells Fargo—score well.

But surely big banks' brands are an asset? Maybe. Their names are well known, and seen on every high street—just like those of the top retailers they are trying to emulate. Many of their logos and advertisements are instantly recognised. And yet bank accounts, pensions and mortgages lack the appeal of cars, fashionable clothes and holidays in the sun. “People are as excited about their banks as about their power companies,” says Mr du Toit dismissively.

Worse, banks continue to make their own task more difficult. Their preferred means of acquiring new customers—takeovers—seems to be a well-proven method for annoying and losing old ones. Financial institutions have often been too eager to push their products, with expensive results for their customers. Those “free” credit-card deals often turn out to cost a lot. In Britain, some banks have been rapped over the knuckles by regulators for selling unsuitably risky investments to retail clients. Insurers—whose products banks are eager to promote—are also in hot water for the poor performance of their “with-profits” policies, which many Britons had hoped would pay off their mortgages.

In America, banks have been tainted by scandal. Admittedly, many of the worst stories have been on Wall Street not Main Street. But some Wall Street firms—the broker-dealers and the universal banks—also have retail customers who were bilked in the bubble years. Since then, some of the same institutions (as well as others) have been caught up in scandals over mutual-fund trading.

Perhaps banks cannot have it all. Many banks have done astonishingly well in the past couple of years, and success is not always popular. Look at the critical reaction when one British bank after another announced healthy profits earlier this year. You might think that such profitable companies must have some satisfied customers, but the banks found themselves denounced as extortionists in pin-stripes.

Maybe trust does not matter all that much. Banks in America and Britain, in particular, are doing pretty well on limited supplies of it. Yet the best retail bankers—those new role models—enjoy it by the bucketload. That must be worth having. In the end, the nice guys might even do better than the rest.

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